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We Wouldn’t Change Our Stories for the World

by SomeGirl on August 30, 2010 · 22 comments

Don’t you just love people’s stories?! Their growing up stories, travel stories, dating stories, engagement stories, wedding stories, birth stories, adoption stories… I just love hearing them and I love that they’re all so different! Wouldn’t it be boring if everyone’s stories were all the same? What if we all dated the same way, same length of time, were proposed to in the same manner and our weddings all followed the same script? How boring would that be? Praise God we have different stories to tell!

I am so thankful for our stories… each of us has a different story inside our family of 4. My husband was born into his family in Texas and moved to Taiwan as an MK (missionary kid) when he was 3. He grew up there and came back to Texas for college. His childhood was much different than mine being raised in a small Texas town.

Our oldest son was born in St. Petersburg, Russia and went directly to an orphanage after his birth. His birthmother had aborted 4 babies prior to him, but chose to give him life; we named him Zachary, which means “remembered by the Lord” for that reason. He joined our family and moved home to the US with us when he was 22 months old.

Our youngest was lovingly placed into our arms at delivery by his birthmother.  We had a room in the hospital a few hours from our home town, shared caring for him with his birthmother who was in a room down the hall, and my husband cut his umbilical cord. He came home with us at two days old.

What wonderful stories we have to tell! Each different, each wonderful, each with different threads of God’s grace woven through them and weaving them together.

Our oldest son has never met his birthmother and he probably never will. She was just a few months older than me, but we were told she probably wouldn’t live long “in her situation.” Which we understood to mean she had poor health due to addictions.

Our youngest has seen his birthmother once a year. We have pictures with her and notes from her. We even went to her baby shower to celebrate the birth of her and her husband’s baby girl (our youngest one’s half-sister). We are thankful to have her in our life and for our boys to know her and her family (our family through adoption).

I’ve been asked how we handle the differences in our boy’s adoption stories… one knowing his birthmother and the other not. And the only answer I can come up with is: we just do. We don’t try to make things equal, we never have. We don’t try to make things fair. We just tell things how they are and look at the positive of those things. Our oldest knows his story. He knows all of the details. We focus a lot on how much his birthmother loved him and gave him life, how she wanted him to have a family that would love him well. But mostly, we focus  on how the Lord remembered him and wanted those things for him. God wanted him to be a part of our family.

I think one of the best things our oldest one has experienced in regards to his adoption has been his little brother’s different story, seeing the love his birthmother has for him. I remember sitting at the dinner table meeting our potential birthmother, answering her questions, getting to know her and then having a chance to ask her some questions… our oldest, who was 4 1/2 at the time asked, “Do you love the baby in your belly?” And her response was, “Yes. More than you could ever know.” That was powerful in the life of our oldest son. He may not know his birthmother while our youngest one does, but he knows the great love a birthmother has for her child and that has made a great impact on both of our boys! It’s been a blessing to all of us that our  boys have different adoption stories… it’s filled in a lot of blanks. And God has opened our eyes to see and understand His love for us through our varying stories. We wouldn’t change our stories for the world!

What about you? What’s your story? I’d LOVE to hear it! ♥

I was asked to write a piece for our former adoption agency addressing the fact that many adoptive families are wanting their children’s adoption stories to be the same… if one was closed, they aren’t ready to pursue and open adoption… the director asked me to write on that subject and I decided to do double duty and make it my blog post for today. :)

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{ 22 comments }

Shell

Oh, I have tears streaming down my face…what a beautiful story. And you know that it’s not new to me, but I am just so very moved by it. I don’t think I knew (or I’d forgotten) the details of Z’s birthmother. It makes my heart rejoice that he was truly remembered by the Lord, from the very beginning. My heart also breaks for his birthmother that she “probably wouldn’t live long ‘in her situation’.” How terribly, terribly sad.
I am so very glad that Z gets the opportunity to see how much love a birthmother has for her child. And, of course, that his little brother would be able to know his own birth mother. That makes me happy for them both.
All of your different stories are a blessing to us as friends of yours. Thank you for sharing with us.

SomeGirl

I’ve already hugged you for your comment, but thought I’d say, “Thank you” here. What a sweet friend! ♥ Michelle

Sherry

What wonderful story! I don’t have an adoption story personally except being adopted into the family of God, when I accepted Christ as my Saviour. What a wonderful family to be in! :)

SomeGirl

That’s the BEST adoption story of all! :) Praise God! ♥

Cranberry Morning

What wonderful stories you have to tell! I have a story along that line about our two youngest sons, adopted by us when they were 2 years and 3.5 years. We never kept their adoption a secret from them, always talked openly about it, but one day when our youngest son was probably 10, one of our birth daughters (older than he) asked who the attending physician was at her birth. We told her. Then our youngest son asked us who the attending physician was at HIS birth. We told him we didn’t know. He was silent. Then when we reminded him that he was adopted, HIS story finally came out: He had thought that EVERYONE was adopted at birth and kind of kept in a ‘holding room’ until they go to their homes.

Moral of that story: You just never know what it is that kids don’t get!

SomeGirl

That’s funny! You never know! ;)

Jennifer

What a beautiful story. I am sure both of your boys are richer for the differences in their lives and for the honest, faith-filled way in which you’ve addressed them. We don’t have an adoption story, but I do hope that one day we will. Right now, we’re praying and waiting to see in which direction the Lord intends for us to travel along this road. Thank you for sharing your family’s story.

SomeGirl

Thanks, Jennifer! May God be glorified in and through your life, give you wisdom as you travel, and guide you along His path. Praying with you (and for you)! ♥ Michelle

aplaceforthoughts

I’m so glad that both of your sons had birthmothers willing to give them the gift of a beautiful life and family. What a blessing and a treasure. And I imagine that the different stories that they both have will allow them to appreciate many things in life much earlier than others ever do. Hugs~

SomeGirl

What a great thought that my boys might appreciate many things in life much earlier than others ever do. Thank you for sharing that, J! ♥

Sara

How amazing is your stories yet I felt you missed an important part out. Your boys know how much they are loved and that In truth is down to you and your husband, As a foster carer I have heard some awful stories on failed adoptions and one of the most common statements from the children was they could never love me like their own. You are a shining example that this isn’t always true. Two different beginnings yet both boys know they are so loved. Thank God for your open hearts xxx

SomeGirl

Thank you, Sara! You’re right… it is sad to hear those broken stories and unfathomable in my mind, yet I know the same stories exist in both adoptive families and biological families. I failed to preface this with the fact that I was asked to write a piece for our former adoption agency addressing the fact that many adoptive families are wanting their children’s adoption stories to be the same… if one was closed, they aren’t ready to pursue and open adoption… the director asked me to write on that subject and I decided to do double duty and make it my blog post for today. :) But, you are so true. They wouldn’t know how much they were loved without a family to show them (and I am SO thankful God chose us to be that family for them). Thank you for your kind words and sweet, thought-provoking comment! ♥ Love, Michelle

Sara

I am such a wally, I never noticed the fact that you write the article for the adoption agency. I guess I can see why explaining what amazing people you are may not have been suitable lol, I hope you understood that I just wanted you to know that I agree totally with your post I just wanted to add that yes I know you have been so blessed with your boys but again you bless them to xxx

SomeGirl

You’re so sweet, Sara. :) I did get that from your message and I appreciated it very much, too! Thank you! ♥ ♥ ♥

Deb Chitwood @ Living Montessori Now

What a beautiful post, Michelle – it made me cry! How lucky your two boys are to be adopted into such a wonderful family. And it’s great the way you’ve explained their birth stories so lovingly to them. Your family is truly an inspiration! Blessings and hugs to you and your family!

SomeGirl

Thank you, Deb! We count ourselves very blessed! Thank you for your sweet words! ♥ Michelle

Natalie

Michelle,
Thank you sharing your stories with us! Your boys are blessed to have honest, open and God directed parents to tell them their stories and remind them that no matter the details of their particular story, God planned for them from the beginning to be just where they are. I pray that our daughter receives that same knowledge from my husband and I!

Maggie

SO beautiful Michelle!! I had no idea your boys were adopted! I forwarded this to a friend who just adopted their second and have two by birth. It’s so amazing to watch God knit people together to create such beautiful families!
Love your new design, too! Pretty!

Laura

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story of hope, faith and love! How wonderful that you have been able to offer such love for two amazing children. Until three years ago, I’d known only one person who was adopted. Now, I know at least four women who have either adopted and/or are in the process of adopting. I’m amazed at the hoops one has to jump through to finally be granted the privilege of loving a child and calling him/her ones’s own. I’m so pleased that you’ve had this blessing twice! Thanks again for sharing!

Laura

shelia

Great post!! I too have two adopted sons and really connected with your story. I am excited to have found you and look forward to learning more about you through new and old posts.

Kara @ The Chuppies

I love reading adoption stories…and are like-minded in the way you’ve chosen to handle the differences…thanks for sharing :)

Amber

Hi Michelle! Stopping by from instagram! I loved reading your adoption story, of course! It brought me to tears, especially the last part. We’ve often struggled with what to do with future situations if they aren’t similar and the effect it could have on either child. I loved how God has helped you communicate that with your children. Beautiful!!

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