You Look Like a Homeschool Mom in Those Pants! (says my inner voice)

by SomeGirl on February 9, 2010 · 11 comments

I realized the other day that I talk to myself… not a crazy kind of talk to myself (at least I don’t think it is), but a deep inner voice kind of talk to myself… a really mean, deep inner voice. Let me tell you how I noticed it… I was working out at the local rec center and thinking to myself, “I’m really not that bad. I look pretty good.” After my workout, as I was exiting the building, I saw my reflection in the glass and thought, “Hmm… I’m really not that big.”  Then I heard it… clear as day. A really mean voice deep inside said, “You’re A LOT bigger than you think you are!” Over and over again “she” said it. I began to realize how often “she” talks to me like that. Later that day I sat down to blog and I heard her mean voice again, “Why are you even blogging? That’s dumb. No one wants to read what you have to say!” And again, when I was getting ready to take my oldest son to his class I looked in the mirror and heard her say, “You look like a home-school mom in those pants! They’re so tight and you’re too cheap to buy a new pair!”

Now, this really got me going! I spent the next hour in the car thinking about how rude “she” is and how I would NEVER talk to anyone like that and I would NEVER let anyone talk like that to someone I loved, but here I am talking like that to myself! I went on a search to find out if I was the only one who had a mean inner voice and what to do about it. In the meantime, I decided to stand up for myself and tell that voice to “STOP talking to me like that!” That helped a little. One of my girlfriends suggested that we talk back to ourselves the way God would talk to us; attacking those rude thoughts with God’s words… I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…. that helped even more. Then, while talking this over with several girlfriends, I found that we all seem to have a mean inner voice, but my first born friends have the RUDEST inner voices! (I also found that most of my friends are first born as I am… that was interesting in itself)  Through all of the discussion we realized that the deep, mean inner voice seems to be a voice of perfectionism… you’re not pretty enough, you’re house is not clean enough, you’re yard is not nice enough, you’re not the best, you need to be better… that was about the time that I wrote the post on being “good enough.”

I can’t tell you what a difference these discussions and that post have made in my life! I have heard that mean voice many times since I first noticed it and have now simply spoken back to her saying, “I’m good enough. My body is good enough. My windows are good enough. My yard is good enough. My pink, outdated bathroom is good enough.” And it is! It all is. I feel a little teary eyed as I write this, because I finally feel free! I’m not torturing myself with negative words. I’m not striving to be more and more, better and better. I’m not listening to “her” anymore! Now, don’t get me wrong. I want to do well. I don’t want to be complacent. I want to be good at what I do. So, I’m not laying back, slacking off and saying, “Eh, it’ll do… it’s good enough.” I realize my “good enough” is probably someone else’s perfect, but my perfect was institutionalizing!

Let me add a positive observation some one made about this condition of perfectionism… I read on some one’s blog that perfectionist are possibly more easily brought into relationship with God because they don’t think of themselves as perfect, instead they see how far from perfect they are… they easily accept their need for a savior, they see their failings and gladly accept His perfection.  I loved that. In our weakness He is made strong! My weakness of perfectionism just might be what drew me to my Savior! And for that I am SO thankful! And for the change He has made in my life this past week, I am also SO thankful! And I am content in being and having “good enough.”

(Oh, btw, no offense to home-school moms! I am one, you know. That was just the mean voice talking.)  :)

photo from here (I LOVE this photo! It shows how I feel now that I’ve gained control over that voice! Now that I’m a recovering perfectionist.)

**Check out this awesome response to my post by my good friend, Susan. She has an amazing way with words and The Word! Love ya, Girl! (Keeping up with the Joneses)

And, Girlfriends, let’s don’t forget our worth!

{ 10 comments }

Stephanie

Thanks for this! My inner voice speaks so much I thought it was me! But it’s not me…I’m way nicer!

Some Girl

You are WAY nicer! :) Love ya, Girl!

Susan Jones

Girl…this is your best blog yet!!! So many of us women have this mean inner voice and let it control us. You’re right, it isn’t our creator speaking these things to us, it’s the destroyer, who wants to make us less content with ourselves and the things we own. Keep up the blogging Girl…your words will have us healed in no time and we’ll be able to help other women in our circles live their lives for Christ too!!! To Him be the Glory!

Some Girl

Thanks for the sweet words, my friend! x0x0

I love the way you put it… it’s the destroyer… seeking to destroy our lives, our minds, our souls. Great description!

Let’s spur one another on toward love and good deeds and lets extend that love and good deeds to ourselves!

Thanks again for the encouragement!!!

Some Girl

This came in e-mail from my girlfriend, Michelle… the one who gave the great suggestion of speaking to ourselves as God would speak to us… More great insight! Thanks, OM!

“Hey, I saw this last night (on the wall in the bathroom of the yoga studio, of all places) and it made me think of you. Well, of fraddle. Did you know there’s a verse about fraddle in the bible? :) Of course you did!

Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

Then, when I was looking it up online this morning, I found this version, from The Message, that speaks to the inner voice problem:

When We Practice Real Love

1 John3:18-20 My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

Have a great day!”

Some Girl

Thanks, OM! You’re the best blogging buddy a gal can have!!! Thanks for continually reminding me of God’s word in my posts!

Elisabeth

Dear Some Girl,
I love this post, and I am reading it while listening to the Love Actually soundtrack “God only knows what I’d be without you”, how fitting. I have had more peace in the past five days, I think my soul is finally at rest. I was enjoying a drive to Fort Worth to pick up a friend today and was so happy. As soon as I got home the mean voice popped up. Today, its claim was that my writing is not as tangible as yours…haha…and that’s when I told it to shut up!!

And in that attack was a compliment for you because I so admire the way you communicate with people and you do it in such a kind, caring, welcoming way. The voice didn’t win today, and I loved this post!

Some Girl

Oh no, Girl! You tell that voice to quiet up… you tell it your writing is “good enough!” Now, I’ll tell you that your writing is GREAT! I love your blog and am so glad to be blog buddies with you! I’m linking you to my Some Favorites section asap! :)

And thank you for the compliment, sweet Elisabeth!

Allie Martin

Michelle, I felt so fraddled when I read this!! I’m glad that I’m not the only one who has a meanie in my head always tearing me down. I’ve always thought my meanie helped me be better, but God has recently been revealing to me that I need to start fighting her instead of trying to please her and be her friend. Thanks for giving me some tips to shut her down.

Some Girl

Aw, Allie… I’m so glad you felt fraddled for! (And I felt fraddled for by your use of the word!) It feels good to know we’re not along, doesn’t it!? May we spur one another on toward love and good deeds (to ourselves even)! :) Love ya, Girl!

Comments on this entry are closed.

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: