Don’t you just love people’s stories?! Their growing up stories, travel stories, dating stories, engagement stories, wedding stories, birth stories, adoption stories… I just love hearing them and I love that they’re all so different! Wouldn’t it be boring if everyone’s stories were all the same? What if we all dated the same way, same length of time, were proposed to in the same manner and our weddings all followed the same script? How boring would that be? Praise God we have different stories to tell!
I am so thankful for our stories… each of us has a different story inside our family of 4. My husband was born into his family in Texas and moved to Taiwan as an MK (missionary kid) when he was 3. He grew up there and came back to Texas for college. His childhood was much different than mine being raised in a small Texas town.
Our oldest son was born in St. Petersburg, Russia and went directly to an orphanage after his birth. His birthmother had aborted 4 babies prior to him, but chose to give him life; we named him Zachary, which means “remembered by the Lord” for that reason. He joined our family and moved home to the US with us when he was 22 months old.
Our youngest was lovingly placed into our arms at delivery by his birthmother. We had a room in the hospital a few hours from our home town, shared caring for him with his birthmother who was in a room down the hall, and my husband cut his umbilical cord. He came home with us at two days old.
What wonderful stories we have to tell! Each different, each wonderful, each with different threads of God’s grace woven through them and weaving them together.
Our oldest son has never met his birthmother and he probably never will. She was just a few months older than me, but we were told she probably wouldn’t live long “in her situation.” Which we understood to mean she had poor health due to addictions.
Our youngest has seen his birthmother once a year. We have pictures with her and notes from her. We even went to her baby shower to celebrate the birth of her and her husband’s baby girl (our youngest one’s half-sister). We are thankful to have her in our life and for our boys to know her and her family (our family through adoption).
I’ve been asked how we handle the differences in our boy’s adoption stories… one knowing his birthmother and the other not. And the only answer I can come up with is: we just do. We don’t try to make things equal, we never have. We don’t try to make things fair. We just tell things how they are and look at the positive of those things. Our oldest knows his story. He knows all of the details. We focus a lot on how much his birthmother loved him and gave him life, how she wanted him to have a family that would love him well. But mostly, we focus on how the Lord remembered him and wanted those things for him. God wanted him to be a part of our family.
I think one of the best things our oldest one has experienced in regards to his adoption has been his little brother’s different story, seeing the love his birthmother has for him. I remember sitting at the dinner table meeting our potential birthmother, answering her questions, getting to know her and then having a chance to ask her some questions… our oldest, who was 4 1/2 at the time asked, “Do you love the baby in your belly?” And her response was, “Yes. More than you could ever know.” That was powerful in the life of our oldest son. He may not know his birthmother while our youngest one does, but he knows the great love a birthmother has for her child and that has made a great impact on both of our boys! It’s been a blessing to all of us that our boys have different adoption stories… it’s filled in a lot of blanks. And God has opened our eyes to see and understand His love for us through our varying stories. We wouldn’t change our stories for the world!
What about you? What’s your story? I’d LOVE to hear it! ♥
I was asked to write a piece for our former adoption agency addressing the fact that many adoptive families are wanting their children’s adoption stories to be the same… if one was closed, they aren’t ready to pursue and open adoption… the director asked me to write on that subject and I decided to do double duty and make it my blog post for today. :)